Scorpions @ Pavilhão Atlântico, Lisboa - 11th November 2011

The Class is in Session

How young is “old enough”? And exactly how old is not so young anymore? Take it even further: how old can true old school rock get? Can it ever get old?
The answer to these questions may be hard to find, perhaps a true quest on its own right. But we can try and sum it all up in five simple points.
That’s just what the teachers ordered.

One thing’s for sure: a Scorpions’ gig is much, much more than just a gig.
So, without further ado, let’s see why:

#1 - First of all, there’s the swearing. There’s no two ways about it: you just can’t say what you feel and mean without some serious rock and roll swearing… ‘Cause let’s face it: these guys f***ing rock. We’re talking about senior citizens, people, not younglings with illusions of grandeur, dreaming of groupies’ wet panties and coke lines the length of an airfield. We’re talking about the first iconic western rock band to play behind the iron curtain. We’re talking about the second major rock band in music history to think recording with a full orchestra was the way to go.

(A moment to pause on this one: what the f**k were they thinking? “Hey, Metallica did it, it must be good!” – “What shall we call it, then?” – “F**k do I know!... Hey, they called it ‘S&M’, let’s go beyond that, let’s be bolder!…” – “How ‘bout ‘Moment of Glory’?” – “Yeah, we could write a new song ‘bout the children’s plight and all that scheiße…” – “Hey, you know what we could call the song? I can see the outdoors already… ‘Moment… of… Glory’…!” – “Wow!… Wunderbar!...” I mean, come on… I still absolutely love these guys and the admiration goes unblemished, but not all shit is made of gold. Sure, Tim Burton did ‘Planet of the Apes’, the aforementioned Metallica did ‘St. Anger’ and Woody Allen did his stepdaughter, but that’s not really any good of an excuse, is it? It only goes to show how “genius” can coexist with “f**k things up”.) 

So, when you’re seeing a band like this, live; when they’re really there, in front of you, flesh and blood, you’re not just at a gig: you’re seeing History in front of you. And what a sweet f***ing History it is…

#2 – The people. Scorpions have had many people in its different line-ups. Usually, there are two types of bands. Sometimes, the members stick together, line-ups hardly ever change (if at all), and they either go the distance until everyone starts kicking the bucket left and right, or they just disband even before the bucket has any chanced to be kicked. These tend to produce the best music, because the chemistry remains throughout, sometimes even fuelled by the stress and strain of coexistence.

Other times, it’s a f***ing circus, with people coming in, people going away, sometimes people coming out, perhaps even some people going in, I mean… It’s a mess. These usually provide more gimmicks than music, with drummer and lead guitar sharing the same woman, lead singer’s brother going on a Viagra binge (“know what I mean, nudge nudge…”) or simply bad release after bad release. 

Scorpions are neither. In over forty years of music, these guys have had their fair share of line-up changes, but their music remained somehow the same. If not, at least very cohesive and coherent. Every different line-up took part in, at least, one iconic album and a handful of memorable songs. Of course, of these, some people stand out. 

To begin with, co-founder Rudolph Schenker still remains the backbone of the band. He’s always there, in your face, to rock the shit out of you. He will not let go, make no mistake: not only is he one the liveliest 63 year-old guys you’ll ever see, his presence onstage is ubiquitous, sometimes feeling like he’s in more than one place at the same time.

Klaus Meine, the man behind the slightly metallic, slightly sinus-fuelled voice that delivered all those classics, remains top notch. Now, we have to realize that singers suffer added strain in comparison to the rest of their fellow band members: their instrument is part of the very aging body they inhabit. If a singer starts losing their voice, new pickups won’t do the trick. Which is why I was struck with how good his voice still sounds after all these years. 

Matthias Jabs, the cap-wearing lead guitar player, remains as flashy as in the early days. Sure, sometimes he’ll go a bit over the top with his guitar-playing trickster moves, but we still love to see him wank to his whammy stick (go check Steve Vai’s very own experience with the whammy stick on Youtube, if you know what’s good for you…).

Finally, a word for drummer James Kottak, one of the junior band members. He was still 3 when the band was founded, which makes him a little kid playing with third-graders, but he brings an intensity and sheer madness to the gig that cannot be overstated. This guy is seriously old school, crazy hardcore stuff... Quoting from ‘The Usual Suspects’: Kottak’s the kind of drummer that’ll “beat the crap out of you, f**k your father in the shower and then have a snack…” No shit.

#3 – The legacy. From the first to the last song, the whole gig is a trip down memory lane. We’re simply not talking of music, here, it’s more than that. It’s testament; it’s legacy. Most of us grew up listening to these guys. Either at the shopping center, on an elevator, on the radio, at a high school party, here and there and everywhere. Their career spans over four decades, guys, this is no meager feat. Always putting out successful releases (some more than others, of course, but still nothing that would cause offense. Other than the already mentioned dreaded “Moment of Glory”… Geez… Why the f**k did I bring that up again?…), always adding more golden moments to an already golden story, turning story into History.

The gig revisits most of their iconic moments, from the headbang-ish memories of “Big City Nights”, “Rock You Like a Hurricane” and “The Zoo” to the softer side of the band in the unforgettable “Holiday”, the prophetic “Wind of Change” and the legendary “Still Loving You”, probably still holding some kind of uncharted record for most babies conceived while listening to its chorus. All in all, the music was familiar, what we were expecting and love. In that respect alone, the delivery was flawless.

#4 – Ballad power. Sure, ballads are overrated. More than that: ballads are old news. No one gives a f**k if Bryan Adams and Lionel Ritchie got together and reissued old Valentine’s Day favorites in some crappy release titled “The Chronicles of Robin of Locksley in da Hood”, with well-known hits such as “Everything I Do, I’m Easy”, “Three Times a Lady 69” and the award-winning “Do I Have to Say the Words, Say You, Say Me”.
No wonder, then, that it’s been over twenty years since Scorpions put out their best, most famous and well remembered ballads. You name it: “Still Loving You”, “Always Somewhere”, “Send me an Angel”, “Born to Touch Your Feelings” and, my personal favorite, “When the Smoke is Going Down”. 

So it was with a big sense of surprise that I came across their newest take on prom-night slow dance material, “The Best is Yet to Come”. This is, simply put, the revamped Scorpions’ DNA for the 21st Century. Yes, it’s as cliché-ridden as any other 80’s/early 90’s ballad you might have heard and it reeks of corny mood (“pop-corny”, dare I say?) and cheesy chord progressions. Yes, sometimes it seems these guys are completely out of phase with the times. Yes, it probably wouldn’t feature in the music library sent as part of NASA’s last unmanned probe for deep space exploration, nor would it be voted UNESCO’s protected cultural heritage. But let’s face it: lots of bands, both higher and lower than Scorpions in the A-list of luminaries and hall of famers, would love to have written something like this, especially after some forty-odd active years.

#5 – My dad. Yeah, I know, random shit. But not really. I went to this gig with two of my closest friends and my dad, and just having him there was amazing by itself. Father-son relationships have been studied, well documented and thought over, and the bottom line is: it’s not necessarily easy. So just to be able to drag my dad out of the house, have him by my side, listening to all these songs he showed me when I was a kid, songs that remained not only a very present part of my growing up but also stark reminders of some of the best times I spent with him, was really something. I mean, the man even danced a bit, sang a bit, went crazy for a while (the “hurricane song”, as he calls it, was indeed designed to rock the f**k out of your brains) and all in all had a really good time. Isn’t that what music, in general, and rock and roll, in particular, is all about?

So, recap: swearing, people, legacy, ballads and my dad. Hmmm… Hardly a recipe for success of any kind… And yet perfectly aligned with everything that happened tonight.
As the lights go out, what lingers on, what you bring home with you is that after so many years, these guys still know how to do what they do, and they do it better than anyone: good old senseless, no holds barred rock music.


Finally, a farewell note.
Yes, they’re retiring next year. Scorpions, as a band, will be over.
But in music, just like as everything else in life, the show must go on.


And thanks to the Laws of Thermodynamics, we know for sure that as long as the music remains faithful, as long as we dive head on into the melody of things and pour every ounce of energy we have onto the soundtrack of our lives, the best is indeed yet to come.
Why? Because the smoke ain’t ever coming down, baby.